miscellaneous musings

Groundhog stung on nose, scrambles for cover


Dateline: Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania

In an unprecedented turn of events, the resident groundhog, Phil, was unable to file a report about the coming weather. Traditionally, Phil rouses himself on February 2 for a brief walkabout. If he sees his shadow we are destined for six more weeks of foul weather. If he doesn’t see his shadow, spring is just around the corner.

This morning at daybreak, however, as soon as Phil set foot outside, a swarm of defensive honey bees swooped down upon him, stinging him multiple times on the nose and lips. The groundhog spun a 180 and dove back into his borrow.

Honey bees, intent on fending off the interloper, continued to hover in the area. According to an eyewitness, the groundhog soon reappeared covered head to toe in a full beesuit, including gloves, spats, and veil.

As soon as the groundhog was spotted the bees dropped masses of yellow bomb-lets over the pristine white suit. The sticky substance stuck in the mesh veil, effectively blocking the groundhog’s view of the yard. Defeated, he returned to his home having no idea if he had a shadow or not.

An API (Apis Press International) spokesman said that unseasonably warm temperatures across much of North America have caused the bees to stir early and food shortages to become acute. “The bees have nothing personal against the groundhog,” he said. “They are simply protecting their homes against further loss.”

Although the groundhog had no comment regarding the incident, local EGTs (Emergency Groundhog Technicians) said his injuries were minor. “He was treated for stings, anxiety, and depression before being released to family members,” said one technician who wished to remain anonymous. “But he is expected to make a full recovery.”

Story filed by Rusty

Phil vacationing in Waterloo, Ontario. API file photo by Ben Babcock.

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  • “He was treated for stings, anxiety, and depression.” A friend who was stung multiple times by bees said he never felt better. He enjoyed it.

    This is funny. Is Rusty combating cabin fever?